How to Find Peace in the Midst of a Storm

peace in the midst of a storm

It was a Saturday morning when we found out our baby wouldn’t live. I was at Gary’s drinking a cup of bitter coffee when the phone call came. I walked outside, wandering down the street and out beside the movie theater, where a few trees and scattered patches of grass grew despite the shade of the tall buildings. 

For a week and a half we had been driving back and forth to the hospital, dependent on the birth mom to get into the NICU to see our little Annie-girl. The phone call I wanted to receive was the one from the lawyer saying the paperwork had gone through and we had open access to our daughter. Instead, it was the birth mom, in tears. The infection our baby had been fighting since birth had moved to her brain. There was no chance of survival. 

I don’t know why I always hear heartbreaking information while I’m out in public. I stood by the tree and pounded my fist against the bark– but I wanted to scream. Throw the phone. Curse at the world and the darkness and the lies and the hurt. 

I wanted anything except the tearing agony I felt.  Continue Reading →

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pie 3

slow rainy days

It’s raining today. Big splashing drops that play music on the windows. They’ve been coming and going all day. I heard them when I woke up this morning and walked through the house, picking up the random pieces of life that hadn’t been cleaned up before bed. I felt them later as I drove the…

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what a pink chair taught me about God

what a pink chair taught me about God

I was thirteen when I decided I really truly wanted to follow God with everything. I wasn’t sure what all that meant, but I was going for it. Looking back, the only thing that actually changed at that point was my conversation. Since God and I were friends, this meant I should talk to Him,…

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giving thanks before the miracle arrives

Giving Thanks Before the Miracle Arrives

People have been making quite a few comments about my gray hair lately. Most of the commentary is coming from my own personal peanut gallery (aka my daughter). “Whoa, Mom! Look at all the sparkly silver in your hair? Did you do that on purpose?” The truth is that I started finding gray hairs when I…

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how to get the desires of your heart

How to get the desires of your heart

It was the only thing I ever really desired. Some dream of fame, success, traveling, stage. I dreamed of babies. Any size, any color, any shape. I just longed to mother. When my life soon bore the branding of infertility, it knocked me to my knees; and then as the years multiplied, flat on my…

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To the Moms who aren't Moms yet

To the Moms who aren’t Moms yet

I know. Let’s just start with that. I know about the wondering, and the fears that come at night when no one is watching. I know how many times you’ve looked in the mirror and wondered why this is happening to you. I know how infertility cuts where we are all most vulnerable– right at our identity….

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God writes more than just love stories.

God Writes More Than Just Love Stories

God writes the most beautiful of love stories. In fact, you could argue that everything He does is a love story written from His heart to ours. But when people say, “I’m letting God write my love story,” we all know what they’re talking about. They are choosing to look at life, and the choice…

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What is God calling me to do // Free Ebook

What is God Calling Me to Do? (Free Ebook)

One of the biggest questions of the Christian life is, What is God calling me to do?  I often hear young people ask this question, but the truth is that I ask it of myself on an almost-daily basis. What about today, God? What do you want from me right now? My dream is to align my heart,…

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