Becoming A Mother Won’t Make You Happy
The thoughts came late at night, usually when I was sitting in a quiet living room. The little children I watched during the day would be gone and the house empty.
Empty.
It was easy for it to grow from there. If only I had a baby. If only there was a child that was never taken away. If God would just heal my body. If that adoption had just gone through… If only…
…then I would be happy.
And then one day she came.
In a whirlwind of God-speaking-and-mountains-moving, we brought our daughter home.
She’s incredible. The most beautiful and wonderful thing. She calls me, “Mommy.” She snuggles in my lap. She plays with my hair as I read her bedtime stories. She makes me laugh and cry and even get crazily mad sometimes.
And she’s not enough.
Of course she’s not enough.
She was never meant to be.
In the same way, my husband– the one I waited so impatiently for– was never meant to make me happy. Nor my family, my friends, my things, my home– nothing is enough. Not for lasting happiness.
I’ll be honest with you– God did not create this world to satisfy us. We were never supposed to be satisfied by what we could attain here. Only, only, only in Him can we find true happiness.
It’s easy, when faced with an empty dream, to think, “If I just had this thing…” but it’s a lie. Dear one, did you hear me? It’s a lie.
God created us to have relationship with Him. And only in Him will we find enough.
I love my children. I am crushed with the glory of their arrival in my life. My gorgeous daughter with sparkling eyes and her quick wit. My handsome little tiger of a boy with the contagious giggle and the sweetest hugs anyone ever received.
But I am thankful, so thankful, that I found satisfaction before they arrived. That I found God’s presence in the middle of my sorrow.
Otherwise, I would be bitterly disappointed.
Because this life is hard. So, so hard.
I traded my struggles of childlessness for the struggles of a preteen and an anxious wounded little boy.
But I am blissfully happy.
And it has nothing to do with my children. They are just a glorious bonus.
It has everything to do with Jesus. His presence. His love. His Word in my empty places.
If you are struggling with infertility, or singleness, or any type of loss– hear this now: satisfaction can only be found in Christ. In Emmanuel. God-right-here-with-us. In the God who is actively present in this life.
So if you, like I once did, think that if you could just get a baby, just be a mama, just get married, just have enough money, just… just…
Let it go. Let all the dreams go and turn to the King.
Listen for His voice. Open your Bible, start reading and don’t stop. Read right through the days when nothing makes sense. Read right through the days when you’re so angry at God you can’t think straight. Read right through your tears, your fears, your sorrows… just keep reading.
You will find Him. I promise. And He will be more than enough.
He always, always is.
Thank you for this post, and others like it. I’m a newlywed and don’t have any children. I’ve had two miscarriages in the past year. I’ve been struggling with this lie, that I NEED a baby to complete me. The desire is so overwhelming to “find my worth”, but your post reminded me that my worth only makes sense because of Gods worth. He is all that I need and I NEED to be complete in him. That doesn’t make the pain or longing go away, but I’m hoping to find some contentment and peace in that truth. Thank you.
So so good for me right now Tashy. Thanks.
<3 love you so much, dear Norma. I pray the Lord's grace into you. xoxox
Amen!
I was thinking about this lately too but you say it so well Natasha. I’m housebound because of a chronic illness and with that comes a lot of grief and loss. If I’m honest I sometimes think that if God answered my prayers and healed me I would live happily ever after! I dream that being healed would mean that my life will slot into place just as I hoped and that I’ll never take my healthy life for granted again. Yet realistically I know that even if I’m healed I might not meet the husband I hope for or have the children I pray about, or be given any of the many other things I dream of. Even if I did there would be other hardships waiting to happen. There will always be something to cause discontentment and I can’t wait for the right circumstances to bring me happiness. I want to be like Paul when he says he had found the secret to being content in all circumstances. (Philippians 4:11) Thank you for reminding me that God is enough & in Him I will find my contentment AND to open my Bible more!
PS I haven’t been here in a while and wanted to say congratulations on your son joining your family! 🙂
Thank you for this! This is a lesson I have been learning this year, and it is an encouragement to read your beautiful words.
This is a truth that we all need to hear, Tasha! Wow, how often do we try to fill our lives with something else, anything else? Powerfully and graciously written. Thank you!!
This is so true, I used to be in the IF ONLY…. group and I realized I have everything I need right here. I am struggling with infertility and I would often pray for God to bless me with a child to make me happy, but that won’t make me happy…and honestly, being on this journey has brought me closer to God and I am happy right now. In the struggle, I look to God and thank him for the experience. In the good times, I look to God and praise him. I’ve learned that He is all around. When I feel alone, I pray for peace and understanding. It’s amazing the love that surrounded me when I am still in His faith. Thanks for sharing this!
Thank you. This article speaks needed truth into my life. The Lord has been instilling the need for continual gratefulness and joy in my life, no matter what is happening in my life, because He is Worthy. He is Worthy, All Sufficient, and All I Need. Thank you for this reminder. <3
Oh, yes. :]