I feel lost. Those were the words I scrawled into my journal years ago. When infertility and struggling friendships and a new church were all leaving me aching and empty. I felt unknown. Who was this girl who couldn’t bear the children she dreamed of? Who was this girl who struggled through friendships? Who was this girl who went to church and cowered in the corner? I didn’t know her, … [Read more...] about Lost and Found: embracing the pursuit of God
Two and a half years ago, our almost-adopted daughter died. We thought she would live. We thought God would work a miracle. We thought there was no reason why God would have brought us all the way to a baby's bedside in the NICU, only to be left with empty arms. We didn't understand what God was doing. We didn't understand why He wouldn't move the way we expected. We didn't understand why … [Read more...] about don’t let the hard stuff harden your heart
Five months after our daughter came home, we climbed onto an airplane. She was chatty and excited, watching everything with giant eyes of wonder. The moment her seat belt was buckled, her nose was smashed against the window. "Oh, Mommy," she breathed and her brown eyes danced. Flying wasn't new to me. When I was her age, I dreaded it because the change in pressure at take-off and landing … [Read more...] about How to learn “Self-Care” in the Kingdom
It was late, after Bible Study on a Thursday night. We were sitting around the kitchen, as we often do, the remnants of snack littering the counter. My words were stumbling over themselves, like they usually do. The thought crossed my mind that maybe I should just write everything I want to say so people could understand what I’m trying to convey. As soon as the thought came, I dismissed it. … [Read more...] about Do You Praise God for Your Trials?
We were in Alaska, spending time volunteering at the Kingdom Air Corps ranch. It was evening and we were driving back to the ranch after dinner. Arvin and Kathy in the front, our daughter snuggled between us in the back. The man's fire was off the side of the road and he was wrapped in his jacket, sitting on his pack. "That's the man we saw earlier," Arvin pointed out. My husband nodded. We … [Read more...] about Are you an eyewitness of the faith?
Since publishing Counting Grains of Sand, my book that talks about choosing faith while walking through great sorrow and great joy, I've received so many letters with some version of this question: How can I trust in a God who speaks promises, when I am forced to walk through heart-wrenching sorrow? I don't have all the answers. There is so much of the mystery of God that I can't begin to … [Read more...] about An Open Letter to Those Struggling to Trust God while Walking through Pain