It was the day I realized that I couldn’t go on. My husband was gone on a two-day trip and I was home alone.
Without the babies I longed for, since my body was broken. Without the friends I had leaned on for years, since my pain had caused me to push them away. Without my family, because I didn’t even know how to call for help.
I was crumbled on the living room floor, wailing. No more empty silent tears. No more inner strength to keep my mouth closed tight. Just brokenness.
I honestly thought, for a moment, that death would be better than this suffering.
And then, out of no where, a voice seemed to echo through the room. It was louder than my tears, louder than my thoughts. It was crazy. “Call Tish.”
Say what? I hadn’t even seen Tish in months, but for whatever reason, I listened. I even remembered her number even though I didn’t have it in my phone and can barely remember my own phone number. She answered and told me to come right over.
There, in her little pottery shop, we talked. I don’t even remember what I said to her. Probably not all of the truth. I probably smiled when I didn’t want to smile and laughed when my heart was crying. But God is never fooled by outward appearances.
She spoke God’s truth into me.
Like He did to the church of Philadelphia, in Revelation 3, God reminded me that when He opens doors, no one can shut them. He knew I wasn’t strong. He didn’t expect me to be strong.
He expected me to keep His word. He expected me to not deny His name.
But His love wasn’t measured by my personal strength. He loved me with all my weaknesses, all my broken pain.God had all the strength I could ever possibly need–
I didn’t have to provide any at all.
The promise to Philadelphia was that if they held fast they would be made to be pillars in the temple of God– unshakably strong. And God, Himself, would have His name written upon them.
As I left Tish’s house that day, I felt His presence again. I knew where to find strength. Not in my ability to handle my hardships. Not in my inner self.
It was found by keeping His Word. By not denying His name.
The lie from the enemy had been that I was alone.
His Word says that I am never alone.
And even when I am weak, I am strong.
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