The wilderness seems like a place of want, but it’s actually a place of plenty-- if you know where to look. I learned this the hard way--with hunger and raving thirst clawing, dropping me to my knees in surrender. Just like the Israelites learned to know God in the wilderness, I also met Him there in a new way. The wilderness-loss that I carried was named infertility and, like all types of … [Read more...] about You can Survive the Wilderness of Infertility
It’s been over a decade now that infertility has marked my life. Long before we brought our adopted children home, I faced off with infertility. I crawled to the feet of Jesus, begging Him to break the hold this agony had on me. I wrote Pain Redeemed from the middle of that place and I chose to declare Jesus the winner. Today and for good. Yet, there is a paradox in the Christian faith. It’s … [Read more...] about How to Wage War on the Lies of Infertility
I still remember the wild fear that rushed through me. The way everything slowed and my heart raced and instinct took over. There is no way I would have had the gumption to take on a two thousand pound mama cow who was charging—except for one small detail: my daughter was on the wrong side of the gate. I doubt I have ever moved that fast in my life, but the straw bale I had been carrying … [Read more...] about She was good, so God gave her babies.
“Mom, look at me!” I turned my head toward my son and he stared at my face intently. “Your eye is really red,” he pointed out. I nodded. “It’s irritated from the sun and dust.” He jumped down and raced off to examine another tractor at the auction. As soon as I arrived home that night, I pulled out my contacts and rinsed my eyes with solution, trying to shake free the gritty dustiness … [Read more...] about How To See Pain With True Sight
This year we will celebrate our eleventh anniversary. And this will be the fourteenth year since a doctor told me there was a strong chance I would never bear a child. So far that doctor was right. I was talking with a friend the other day, one who has faced years of singleness past what she expected. Her life is redefining, and it’s good but also different. She told me about a quote from … [Read more...] about A Baby Won’t Fix My Infertility
I was curled up against the wall, crying myself to sleep. Again. Lord, what is wrong with me? Why do I feel afraid of everything, including my husband? During the day I would feel fine, but when night arrived, the empty gnawing feeling would start clawing at me until I was forcing myself to take deep breaths to ward off panic attacks. Sleep? Of course not. Instead, I stared into the … [Read more...] about Is Your Grief Masquerading as Something Else?