Two and a half years ago, our almost-adopted daughter died. We thought she would live. We thought God would work a miracle. We thought there was no reason why God would have brought us all the way to a baby's bedside in the NICU, only to be left with empty arms. We didn't understand what God was doing. We didn't understand why He wouldn't move the way we expected. We didn't understand why … [Read more...] about don’t let the hard stuff harden your heart
Infertility
what Jesus says to the suffering-ones who are desperate
Thirteen years. It has been thirteen years since I sat in a doctor's office and was handed a diagnosis that would become a gaping wound in my life. This fall it will be ten years since I carried that wound into my marriage. Infertility has been a deep aching sorrow that has left a trail of blood behind me. No matter where I go-- my life is marked by the reality of its presence. And … [Read more...] about what Jesus says to the suffering-ones who are desperate
Infertility, Our Identity, and What God Says About Who We Are
When the doctor told me I had the “leading cause of infertility”, there were many other words that followed hers and seemed to cling to me. Failure. Ugly. Broken. Unworthy. I heard them and when the months and years seemed to prove the label of “infertility” right, I allowed all those other words to label me as well. Like the slashes of a knife, they wounded me so deeply, I couldn’t see, … [Read more...] about Infertility, Our Identity, and What God Says About Who We Are
3 Ways to Keep Infertility From Ruling Your Relationships
Infertility has a way of sneaking in and taking over your life. Trust me, I know. And it’s one thing for your daily life to be dictated by a monthly-cycle of ups and downs, but it’s another thing entirely when relationships start being controlled by it. Women who face infertility have been known to shut down, to back away from relationships (specifically if their friends are having … [Read more...] about 3 Ways to Keep Infertility From Ruling Your Relationships
Facing Another Christmas Without A Baby
This is my tenth Christmas without a baby. Twice we came close. Once with a positive pregnancy test in October that would have been the answer to my "announce a baby on Christmas" prayer, but instead left me crying on the bathroom floor. That was the year the holidays were just too hard and I never hung a single decoration. The next time was in 2014 when our little to-be-adopted baby was … [Read more...] about Facing Another Christmas Without A Baby
It’s okay to hurt during the holidays
I didn’t put up a single decoration that year. There was no excitement or sparkle of the holidays left in me. I was thankful Jesus came, but I was also sad. And it was a sadness that had burrowed into my bones and left me quiet and splintered. Everyone seemed to be having babies except me. Some part of my brain knew that wasn’t true, but the feelings were a swirling force to be reckoned with. … [Read more...] about It’s okay to hurt during the holidays