Infertility

I needed a headshot for something the other day and after dozens of attempts, I realized my eyes really were just that sad and tired-looking, it wasn’t the camera angle or the lighting.  I shared earlier this year about miscarrying last November. Despite the many losses before that one, the loss of that pregnancy felt…

Early December was shimmering through the countryside. The weather was pleasant, the holidays bright. But inside our house, nestled at the top of the hill outside our small hamlet of a village, I was grieving. I wanted to be okay. Some part of me felt like I should be okay. We all love to compare…

A version of this article was originally published at She Loves Magazine in 2017. I never expected the word barren to label my life. I was a vibrant person. I am an introvert to be sure, but I wasn’t shy or backward. I loved life and loved living it. By the time I was in my early twenties…

My coffee was growing cold where it sat on the arm of the Adirondack chair. I stared across the fields where windmills spun along the horizon. I didn’t want to pick up the coffee again. I knew it would taste bad. I knew the moment the liquid hit my tongue, the nausea I was ignoring…

During my single years, I would have told you I knew marriage wouldn’t solve all my struggles. Of course not. I wasn’t naïve. I understood that marriage brings its own issues and building a family with someone isn’t just aromantic drive on a starlit night. No duh. But now, looking back, I did kind of…

I’m thankful God is patient and kind and longsuffering because I’m pretty sure if He wasn’t, He’d get tired of my prayer cycle. I know it’s a cycle and it’s about a month to 38 days in length and it starts with me praying that I’ll get pregnant again, followed by sorrow that I’m not,…