The weeks are flowing and stretching me. The days get shorter and the moments longer.
I’m elbow-deep in editing and formatting the final copy of Pain Redeemed, set to come out next week. Next week.
I tried to forget that fact as I worked in the garden this morning. The boys were splashing in the creek and the sun was drying the clothes that flapped on the line. Piles of weeds filled the space at my feet. I dug out the last of the potatoes, the last of the onions and the last of the radishes. I gloried in the blaze of the sunflowers. I gathered handfuls of broccoli seeds for next year. I picked brilliant red tomatoes.
I wondered, out loud, what I was thinking to try and write a book. Even a short one. Even an ebook.
At naptime I sat down at the computer and started in again. I jumbled sheets of paper that were coated with black editing marks. I studied notes and tried to clarify my sentences. I worked and sweated and wondered. Is this right, God? Am I doing what I should be doing? Is this book saying the things that You want to say?
I cringed at my own broken words on the page.
My relationship with God was subject to raging moods. I never doubted who He was but I doubted that His plan was good. I looked around and saw only blackness, even when I thought I was staring at His face.
It’s painful to rehash these things. It’s humbling to paint my own brokenness onto paper. It’s glorious to see again how God has saved me.
Life is built of moments. The burning of sun on my skin, the clicking of the computer keys, the laughter of children, the voice of God that echoes through the everyday and says, again, I AM here.
Be praying for me as I finish the book? As I deal with formatting issues and technical things that dance far beyond my comprehension? Thank you, dear friends.
If you would be interested in being part of the book launch (and receive a free copy of the book) send me an email? (natashametzler at gmail dot com)