I’ve been asking God the same question for almost a dozen years.
Am I ever going to have a baby?
Every time I ask, I’m hoping He’ll change His answer. I’m not necessarily demanding a “yes”, I’m just hoping for a definitive response. Yes or no is fine. Anything except the “wait and see” that I’ve been carrying all this time.
Isn’t this the hardest answer from the Lord?
Just be still. Just be patient. Stop pushing so hard. Relax.
There is a verse in Psalms that says, Be still, and know that I am God. And so many times I’ve read those words and thought, “Just STOP FIDGETING.” Right? BE STILL.
But, of course, that’s not exactly what the Psalmist is saying. This Hebrew word is a verb, harpu, that could be translated…
- Cease striving and know that I am God.
- Stop fighting and know that I am God.
- Let go and know that I am God.
- Relax and know that I am God.
Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to just leave our future in the Lord’s hands?
We want to know if we’re going to get married, if we’ll ever have children, if those children will survive and do well, if our job situation will ever change, if our health issues will ever cease…if…if…if…
And more often than not, when we bring these type of concerns to Jesus, His only response is wait.
Which I totally didn’t understand until I was raising adopted children.
My children want to know everything ahead of time. Not like, they’re curious, but they are desperate to gain this knowledge. It’s a normal reaction to trauma; a hyper vigilance based in a need to know what will happen to them so they can produce a sense of control (and a total meltdown if anything changes from what they expected).
Adoptive parents use different strategies to deal with this type of behavior. Some try to tell their kids as much as possible ahead of time to prepare them and help them feel in control.
I completely understand this type of strategy but I’ll tell you right now: that’s not how we roll around here. On a farm, with our business right here, most plans get changed 15x before they are executed.
If I tried to talk through every change with our children, I would be exhausted and they’d be dysregulated constantly. So instead of trying to give them a sense of control in this area, we decided to try and teach them to simply trust.
One of the first things our children learned when they moved to our home is that they were welcome to ask about the plans, to question me about today, next week, or next month–but my answer was basically going to be some version of, “Just wait and see!”
And when they couldn’t handle that response? We spent a lot of time going over the facts:
- Mommy and Daddy love you.
- Mommy and Daddy will take care of you (even when life feels scary).
- There will be enough for you.
- You won’t be alone.
- You’ll be safe.
- You won’t be sent away, ever, even when you’re having a hard time.
Our daughter learned these truths pretty well, but sometimes we still need to go over them when the wait answer comes along and she’s feeling the sting of having to let go and trust.
But then she’ll watch her brother fight the letting go and her grip will loosen a bit. She’ll walk along side him and say quietly, “Hey, Mom isn’t going to tell you yes or no right now, but you can relax because it will be fine. Whatever we do, she’ll take care of us and we can just trust her.”
Sometimes we need someone who has been walking in family a little bit longer to come along side us and speak truth, don’t we?
A little boost. A little reminder. A family member who says, “Hey, don’t forget.” Like the Choirmaster of the Sons of Korah who wrote Psalm 46 was for me.
Be still. Relax. Cease striving. Stop fighting. Let go and know that God is God.
To you–all my fellow Believers reading this–my family,
Let me pass on this truth again, for both of us, God might not say yes or no to your question, but you can just relax because it’ll be okay. Whatever happens, He’ll take care of us and we can trust Him.
And when you can’t handle the “wait” response? Here are six things to remember:
1. God loves you.
No, seriously, He does.
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. (Eph. 2:4-5)
2. He will take care of you (even when life feels scary).
For real. He’ll be right there to bring peace when life spirals into troublesome difficulties.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)
3. There is always, always enough in Him.
He is the living water, the bread of life. All you need is found in Him.
The is my shepherd, I lack nothing. (Psalm 23:1)
4. You will never be alone.
No matter how many times you’re convinced of your aloneness in sorrow, it’s still not true. He’s right here. Every moment.
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
5. You are safe in Him.
No matter what happens, you can run to Him.
6. You won’t be sent away, even when you’re having a hard time.
While it’s true that any of us can choose to leave God’s family, He’s not going to get rid of you. You’re His heart and His love is here. Period. Even when you’re struggling.