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  1. Have you read the book Not My Will? It is an old classic and well-worth the read. This post reminded me of that book. In the book she dealt with the same thing – surrender.
    This is what I’m seeing right now. The inevitable. But
    Like you said, why give me a desire that I can’t fulfill?
    God expects a lot. Yet what choice do we have?

    1. Natasha Metzler says:

      I haven’t read it, yet, but it’s on my list of books to read!

  2. Anonymous says:

    I know this was written awhile back, but I am so thankful to have come across this. Thank you for sharing your heart — I needed to be reminded that there is still so much to get up and dance about! It’s encouraging to not feel so alone in this struggle, too. May the Lord bless you and keep you!

  3. Thank you for sharing this. It is beautiful and encouraging to read about the real struggles people have. I am so glad you were able to see God at work! It is so hard when He seems quiet. Can I just say…you are whole, just as you are. You are perfectly loved, exactly as you are–and nothing you say or do can ever change that. He knows your struggles and simply wants YOU:)

  4. Girl. This is delicious….even though painful….just lovely and beautiful from the deepest places inside of you. And you know…to be transparent with your pain is really a great thing before God. It’s to trust Him most of all in the midst of your suffering. To be altared (Jennifer Kennedy Dean) is the most beautiful offering of all because you just lay it all down and know that He will raise you and all that’s within you from the dead in His time. Can’t say what that will mean, but I will pray for you. Bless you Sister.

    1. Oh, the promise of him raising up the dead in me… I cling to it. Thank you. <3

  5. I recently recieved some very startling and devastating medical news. Before I recieved the news, or even the Pap, I had my Bible with me in the room and I opened it, sitting awkwardly on the exam table. God lead me to Psalm 73 which touched my soul and stirred something inside of me. After the devastating news, it made even more sense.

    1 Surely God is good to Israel,
    to those who are pure in heart.

    2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
    I had nearly lost my foothold.
    3 For I envied the arrogant
    when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

    4 They have no struggles;
    their bodies are healthy and strong.[a]
    5 They are free from common human burdens;
    they are not plagued by human ills.


    13 Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure
    and have washed my hands in innocence.
    14 All day long I have been afflicted,
    and every morning brings new punishments.

    15 If I had spoken out like that,
    I would have betrayed your children.
    16 When I tried to understand all this,
    it troubled me deeply
    17 till I entered the sanctuary of God;
    then I understood their final destiny.

    I thought maybe these verses from Psalm 73 might mean something to you as well. If not, just count me off as a weirdo. 😉

    1. Wow! Thank you so much. Definitely not a weirdo. 🙂 Am writing them down and will be returning to them often. <3

  6. This was so moving. Such a tribute of our God and the way he works. Like Meshach, Shadrach and Abendego you are saying “even if” in this hard place and that is no small thing.

    1. isn’t he amazing?

  7. outeatoutsleepoutslack says:

    Any time there is any doubt about God using you, know that these words across this page came to me at a time when I so desperately needed to just know that He is not deaf to my plight nor my pleas. I know not how He will answer me but I just thought that you know know this: you have been used as His beautiful instrument to comfort this weary and flimsy faith of mine. Thank you. God bless you.

    1. So thankful. May you feel Him near. <3

  8. Beautiful and transparent, Natasha. “Even my closed ears can hear.”

  9. Beauty from ashes. You have filled my heart. I pray that you find comfort and God gives you the desire of your heart.

  10. fullherlife says:

    Good Morning Natasha! You pulled me right in girl… and had me pumped up for you and all Christian women everywhere by the end! YOU GO GIRL!!! Go surrender, go listen, go run with Him! -Blessings, Amy 🙂

  11. Wow, your words wrenched my gut. “The God who asks for surrender”, so their is room to receive what He gives. Praying for healing, grace, peace!!

    1. Thank you for your prayers!

  12. Wow. Beautifully written. I can relate to a lot of these feelings in my own circumstances. Thank you for sharing your heart.

    1. <3 Thank you for your encouragement. Sometimes its scary to bare my heart so much- but every comment that reminds me that I'm not alone is worth it.

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