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  1. This post is powerful. I felt your conviction and I felt God’s presence as I read this. Thank you for being open and sharing your heart and for being sensitive to the Word of God. I needed this and have been encouraged greatly!

  2. Mommy turtle says:

    After my 2nd miscarriage, I thought I will die of sadness and never try will try again People were trying to comfort me by saying things like it was not healthy and better if you miscarried now and etc. they did not understand. My friend whose family has a history of infertility understood. she told me a story about her aunt. She had dozens of miscarriages and one as late as six months. The doctors told her she will never have a child and she should stop trying. She said if God mean me to have a child. God meant me to have a child. After 20 years of trying and countless miscarriages, she realized she was 8months pregnant and she was go to have this one. At 45 years old, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Take what you want from the story. But it gave me hope to try again. Few months shy of my 40th birthday, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

  3. People’s responses like that just make me GRRRR. If you can’t say something nice….

    There is so much that we shame ourselves for, so much that we feel guilty over and that we somehow hold the blame for having happen, but we don’t need to….There is no shame or guilt in Him.

    {Honestly, I think you could, and should, publish a book of just your blog posts and I would devour it!}

  4. Casey Kohlman says:

    Truth straight to my heart.

  5. Oh, Infertility Shame, I know you well. Much too well for a 27 year old, as one who found out about MRKH at age 16. I have more than one relative on my husband’s side who has said, “Why can’t you just be happy for women who have babies?! You need to learn to be happy for them!” It’s not that I’m not happy.. it’s that a baby shower rips off the band-aid and digs into the wound. I am learning to accept this about myself, but as one wise woman said, “Even Jesus fell to his knees while carrying his cross, and he didn’t do it with a smile.”

  6. Oh goodness. Isn’t that the way it usually is? The people that seem the most bitter and hurtful oftentimes needs the most prayer. I try to keep that in mind, but sometimes my dignity slips. *sheepish grin*

  7. I’m going to have to read this again when I’m not so spitting mad at whoever said that to you… I get your brilliant point about the difference between shame and guilt, I guess I need to go meditate on that instead of letting myself get mad. <3

    1. lol. I love you, Jess. 🙂 And the truth is that the person in question truly has more things to deal with than this even– and has accepted far too much shame, which of course turns to bitterness, and then to anger. We just caught the brunt of it for a little bit.

        1. Ha ha! I understand! Mine too. I think the Lord is slowly healing this up in me though– and giving me His love. That’s the awesome part about following Him, of course, that we get the choice to love, even when others are unlovable.

      1. To be Jesus to a lost dying world, Natasha? Can anyone be that? Can anyone do that? That is the problem with this kind of “”servant people”” – they come to believe they are and do things that are not, and their ego rises up….
        The problem is, Natasha, that you and other people from your background, have made idealistic expectations of your “”princes”” and now that you married someone different, you feel the need to go to the other extreme, like pointing out how the “”servant””” who has nothing from the prince is so SOOO much better. Reality is that, you know, there are PRINCES who also have a servant heart – some people DO have it all, you know. So there is no need to extrapolate things in one direction or another.

        I have seen other unpleasant attitudes of yours online, like naming someone who insensitively told you “”you know better than God why you don’t have babies?”” that she has bigger issues than you do and that’s why she’s saying those things. I’m not even saying what that is, from pshychological point of view about yourself. And the post “Why does she have babies”? Another unpleasant attitude of yours – are you preoccupied with another’s people’s lives? Why they have the blessings that they do? Why they have the trials they do? Maybe you should just revise your attitudes online, for it is better to say nothing at all than say bad things with inappropriate attitudes.

        And the post about being 30 years old and not giving birth….You are so centered on yourself, you imagine this is the “”worst suffering”” a woman can face at 30???

        Hopefully you’ll do some heart check and readjusting!

        1. I’m sorry, Teo, if I offended in some way. When I spoke of “princes” I was talking about exactly what you described, the idealistic expectations that young girls often create. Something that is not even reality and something we need to realize is not even desirable in the long run. (

          I’m not sure what you mean by “from your background” as I don’t think we’ve ever had a conversation about how I was brought up or how I came about having the ideas and thoughts that I do– but if you’d like to discuss why and how, definitely send me an email! (you can contact me through my blog).

          I used the term “servant” simply because that is what the Bible calls us to be. All of us. If your view of the Bible is different than mine, that’s perfectly fine, but I will always write from my understanding, I can’t do anything else. (And the reference to “being Jesus” is of course, tied to this belief as well. Which is translated, to me, as being caring, loving, giving, sacrificial, etc… regardless of your beliefs about Jesus, I think we can agree that these things are important to emulate.)

          A prince having a servant heart is another subject entirely, because at that point we’d be talking about real people and not our imagined ideals.

          I would encourage you not to assume too much, when it comes to who you think I’ve named. The article you referenced was one that sat for many years before it made it’s way online. In fact, it sat until the person in question was no longer in the position to be “insensitively named”. As for the issues of the person in question, I am not fool enough to think their issues are any greater than my own. We all carry our own baggage. All I can deal with is mine.

          As for “Why Does She Get Babies?” the post was not meant as a full-overview of my attitude or anyone else’s. I think we’d all agree that a single post can only address a single issue– and there is no need to assume that the writing about one afternoon when I struggled then equals my attitude toward all things at all times. The point of the post, in fact, was the need to change an attitude that was trying to sneak up on me. And it was written as a response to the many letters that came to my inbox, wondering how in the world I was able to face infertility and pregnancy announcements with grace. The answer? I had to learn to stop looking at myself. Something I think you would heartily agree with.

          By all means, I agree that what we say online should not be done with inappropriate attitudes! Of course, we can only examine our own hearts on this issue. I can’t see your heart– just what you’ve written. So I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume this comment was written with a gracious and loving attitude.

          As for my “turning 30” post, I don’t think that I said not giving birth was the worst suffering that a woman could face. If I did, good gracious, I beg for forgiveness as that is not truth in any stretch of the imagination. I was, of course, simply writing about a time in my life when I had to face something unpleasant. Infertility is, after all, rather unpleasant.

          As for heart-checking and readjusting– yes and amen. That is something I am always willing to do. Something each of us should strive for. Reevaluating and looking truthfully at each issue and struggle and question and opinion. So thank you, for that reminder!

          p.s. I saw you left this comment at Kindred Grace as well. I deleted it there, as I feel there is no need to have this conversation both places at the same time.

  8. Great post girl! So often I feel shame and I know that I shouldn’t. It’s something the enemy whispers to me and then I run with it. Always praying for you! xo

    1. You’re in my prayers as well, Elisha. <3 Can't wait for that little Josiah to show up. 🙂

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