the disciple that Jesus {loved}

Learning to walk like Jesus walked is no easy task. I realize this as pages turn to the book of John, the writings of the disciple that Jesus loved. The words glow on the page.

…the Word was with God and the Word was God…

And what does the Word do?

• He explains the way of Salvation
• He baptizes those who believe
• He is active in purifying the church
• He reaches out to the outcasts and broken
• He gives living water to the thirsty
• He “eats and drinks” the will of the Father
• He ignores religious requirements in favor of loving responses
• He calls people to a life without sin
• He testifies to what is coming
• He took what he had and gave thanks, knowing that it was more than enough no matter what he could see
• He teaches the hard things (eat my body, drink my blood)
• He offers grace instead of condemnation
• He plainly tells the truth, “if you do not believe you will die in your sins”
• He gives thanks even in the face of pain
• He washes feet and forgives sins
• He reflects the Father
• He loves
• He protects his disciples
• He loves his enemies

Lord, I want to live this way! I want to do these things. I want my life to reflect Jesus in every way possible.

Yet, it seems so removed. How does living the way that Jesus lived apply to my every day life? 

How do I apply it when the cows are making me furious and I want to just crawl into a hole instead of milk them?

How do I apply it when I am sitting across from a man who is no longer in fellowship with believers because of legalistic opinions? What do I say? How do I say it?

How do I apply it when my little boys are trying every ounce of patience that I have left? How do I discipline properly when what I really want to do is scream?

How do I apply it when I am stressing about money? Wondering how we will pay the bills and keep groceries in the house?

Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within them.

John 7:38

In the middle of my questions I hear the words of John. The disciple that knew, deep down, that Jesus loved him. The one that understood yada in a desperately real way. 

The living water that flows from within. The Holy Spirit in us. This is how we know. This is how we love. This is how we keep moving.

We whisper prayers and listen hard and try to walk as he walked. Even in confusion. Even in pain. Even in sorrow. Even in tears. Even in laughter. Even in joy. Even in failure.

For knowing that we are loved has nothing to do with knowing that we are doing things perfectly. 

I snapped pictures of two little princesses today. Beautiful little girls who smiled, frowned, danced, laughed and disobeyed. And I loved them. I taught them. I disciplined them for wrong behavior. I danced with them. I laughed with them. And nothing changed the love. 

It never does.

Keep me listening, God. Keep me humble. Keep me close. Keep me desperate for You. Keep me striving to walk as you walked. Help me remember that no matter what trials I face today: nothing changes the love.

And nothing ever will.