What the Church Forgot to Tell You About the Proverbs 31 Woman

Every woman who has grown up in the church or dwelt in our midst for some length of time has probably heard of the Proverbs 31 woman.

She’s a master of everything. Brilliant, kind, wise. She works at home but is also a successful entrepreneur who makes enough to care for her family and the poor. She laughs and brings good and has influence and favor.

She’s this unattainable perfection that many of us cringe away from because we know that no matter how hard we work—we’ll never really be that.

But what if we have it all wrong? What if we’re reading this passage to the wrong people? What if the point is nothing like we’ve assumed?

Let’s get the facts.

• Proverbs 31:10-31 is an acrostic poem. This means each line begins with a specific letter that spells either a word, a message, or the alphabet. In this case, in the original language, the first letters in this poem spell out the Hebrew alphabet.
  
  Researching the traditional or historical interpretations of a specific passage can be essential when dealing with ancient manuscripts, especially those involving poetry. The biblical authors lived in a very different time and place than us and the metaphors and meanings behind many phrases can easily shift when you are removed from the original culture.
  
  • The Bible Project has a series on Biblical Poetry that can be watched or read. You can find it here.
    
    
• In Jewish culture, this poem in Proverbs 31 is shared weekly at Shabbat, the Sabbath meal.[i] The poem is called, E’shet Chayil or E’shet Hayil and is used in the Shabbat liturgic to honor the women in the home. This is done by the man singing or reciting the poem over them as a blessing. The purpose of this singing isn’t to shame the woman for not being enough, but rather to praise her for all she has already accomplished. It’s an honor, a blessing, a way of thanking her.
  
  
• In some of the oldest Jewish manuscripts, we find this poem was interpreted as being written about many women throughout Biblical history. The Midrash Mishlei[ii], an ancient Jewish commentary, proposes the idea that each line in this poem honored a specific woman in history, twenty of them in all. Other manuscripts mention just eight specific women: the wife of Noah, Sarah, Rebekah, Leah, Rachel, Bithiah the daughter of Pharaoh, Jochebed, and Miriam.[iii]
  
  
  • You can find the translation of the Midrash Mishlei here, or, a copy of my simplified paraphrase is available here.
    

(I began researching these ancient Jewish interpretations because of the work of Margaret Bronson, who stumbled upon this while working on her book, She Has a Name, which tells the story of the five women whose faithfulness made it possible for the Israelites to escape Egypt. Margaret also has an online store that sells items inspired by the women of Proverbs 31.)

While it’s impossible to know if the original intent of the poem was to reference multiple women throughout Israel’s history, the fact that it was a common interpretation in Jewish historical writings displays that this piece of Biblical literature wasn’t used to make demands on women but rather to celebrate them.

Let’s look at the text.

Now that we have some historical context, let’s look at the text itself. Chapter 31 begins with these words: The words of King Lemuel, a pronouncement his mother taught him…

Here’s the deal, this passage is written to men, not women.

This entire chapter is a mother’s attempt to teach her son some valuable lessons. One that, ironically, will help him become a man of noble character.

She starts with some basics.

•                vs. 3: Don’t put your energy or efforts into appeasing troublemakers, either men or women.
•                vs. 4: Don’t drink!
•                vs. 5: No really, don’t drink. If you do you’ll cause harm and mistreat others.
•                vs. 6-7: For real, don’t drink. Alcohol is for those who have nothing.
•                vs. 8: Instead, use your energy to speak up for those who have no voice, to call for justice.
•                vs. 9: No, for real, your job is to SPEAK UP, to make right decisions, to defend those in need.

At this point, she switches to an acrostic poem, E’shet Chayil. Woman of Valor.

This has been read for years and years now as a to-do list for women. But dear ones, it’s not written to us and when you step back, it reads a bit different.

After telling her son to not drink, to speak up for those in need, to do what is right. Then she says,

              

Son, do you know where to find a woman of valor?
(A strong woman, a noble woman.)

You should stop and look because she’s worth more
than whatever this world tells you is most valuable.
(If you look, son, you’ll find her.)

• (Look!) She’s the one being trustworthy, bringing good to those closest to her.
• (Look!) She’s over there living out goodness to those surrounding her.
• (Look!) She’s that woman who is willingly working with her hands.
• (Look!) She is providing food for those around her.
• (Look!) She’s the woman who gets up early and cares for others.
• (Look!) See that woman buying and selling things? See her making money?
• (Look!) Over there is a woman who is strong, capable of so much.
• (Look!) Here’s another one making money, caring for others throughout the night.
• (Look!) She’s crafting and creating things.
• (Look!) A woman is walking among the poor, standing in their midst to help them.
• (Look!) You can find her over here making sure everyone is warm and comfortable.
• (Look!) Here’s a woman taking care of her house and dressing beautifully.
• (Look!) This woman over here chose to marry a wise man and carries influence.
• (Look!) Over there is a woman brilliantly making and selling things.
• (Look!) Did you see this woman who is so honorable and strong? Do you hear her laugh?
• (Look!) There’s a woman speaking wisdom, instructing people so graciously.
• (Look!) Here’s a woman who is active and busy, showing up for her people.

(When she’s seen) her children should stand up and bless her.
(When she’s seen) her husband should use his voice to praise her.
(Loudly! Proclaiming!)

“There are so many women doing valiant things, and I see you rising up in their midst!”

Charm is deceptive (don’t be fooled),
Beauty is fleeting (don’t be shallow), BUT
(My dear son, pause and remember)
a woman who is doing the work that God calls her to
should be seen and praised.

(Pay attention) give her the reward she has earned with her labor,
(Speak up) and use your voice to praise her publicly.

(Proverbs 31:10-31, paraphrased by Natasha Metzler) Click here for a printable version of this poem.

Can’t you just see this tender mother, holding her son’s face between her hands and saying, “When you see a woman living with strength, with valor, rise up and praise her. Bless her, for her work, for her essence, for her being—don’t you dare reduce the value of a woman to just fleeting beauty or deceptive charm. Stand up, son! Be a man of valor. Open your eyes to the deep value of the women around you and honor them for real. Use your influence to reward women for their good deeds.”

A few final thoughts.

Here’s the conclusion of the matter, friends: we, as women, can most definitely look through this passage and find values that we want to emulate. And that’s great! May all things lead us toward good life and godliness.

Along with this, we can follow Lemuel’s mother’s example and call out E’shet Chayil in the women around us. We can point to each other and our grand accomplishments, our unseen housework, our struggle to care for ourselves and our families, our laughter, our wisdom, our pretty clothing, our strength, our influence—and we can say, I see you, oh, woman of valor!

But these verses aren’t a to-do list for us, they’re a lesson for men. It’s a calling to men to stop praising or seeking beauty and charm above valor. It’s a calling for them to actually stop and look at the women around them and recognize their value and their work.

Let the weight of these verses rest of them, dear ones. Release any condemnation you’re carrying from these words.

You’re free to live with strength and valor in whatever way God has gifted you. No checklists. No condemnation.

Just freedom.  

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[i] https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/eshet-hayil

[ii] https://www.sefaria.org/Midrash_Mishlei.31.5

[iii] https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/eshet-hayil

Are you looking for a fresh take on Titus 2 as well? Check out my devotional, The Contemporary Woman’s Guide to Titus 2.