When you spend over a decade with barrenness marking your life—there is something in you that sits up and listens when fertility is mentioned in Scripture. And it is mentioned, quite often. One place is in the parable of the sower. You remember, of course, the story of the farmer who went out and sowed seed. Some fell on rocky soil and sprung up quickly, only to die because it had no roots. … [Read more...] about On Good Soil and Fertile Hearts
If I Had Known: Looking Back at Over a Decade of Infertility
I just wanted to know how long. That was my biggest question. How long would I be barren? Was this a lifetime thing? Or was it just a season? Did I need to completely shut down my hopes and dreams for a baby? Or was it okay to hold onto hope? For eleven years I lived in limbo, wondering and questioning. And now that I’m on the other side—now that I know it would be just shy of 12 years … [Read more...] about If I Had Known: Looking Back at Over a Decade of Infertility
How to Grab Hold of Peace Amidst Uncertainty
Last Spring before I had a positive pregnancy test, before the ultrasounds and the doctor's visits and the fluttering of little feet-- there was a question. Is it possible that after more than a decade of infertility, I might actually be pregnant? And the day after that question finished formulating in my mind, I started bleeding. I was the only one in my family awake that morning, and the … [Read more...] about How to Grab Hold of Peace Amidst Uncertainty
How Hard Can It Be To Have Mustard Seed Sized Faith?
Faith as small as a mustard seed can supposedly do quite the miraculous line-up of things. Toss mulberry trees and mountains around. Send demons scurrying for cover. Heal broken bodies and hearts. Luke 17:5-6 says: The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” He replied, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry … [Read more...] about How Hard Can It Be To Have Mustard Seed Sized Faith?
How to Build Trust In Your Heart
I long to live in perpetual trust of the Lord. To be so ingrained in faith and hope and Christlike-ness that trust pours from my heart at the first moment of hardship. The first moment of questions. That when I flinch from the world’s agony, I will turn my face directly to His without wavering. I know from the study of Scripture, the stories of the early church fathers, the testimonies of … [Read more...] about How to Build Trust In Your Heart
After Infertility
Each morning feels like Christmas morning now that we have a baby in the house. She's still a surprise. A brilliant, happy surprise. But even Christmas can have its moments. (Maybe even especially Christmas?) There have been some emotionally charged minutes, hours, even days. Postpartum, it turns out, is nothing to sneeze at and some things I thought were long-ago dealt with in my … [Read more...] about After Infertility