H e said your name wrong. Many people do and so many times I have corrected them. I want them all to say it right because it is so beautiful and so exclusively you. But today someone said it and I didn't correct him. I opened my mouth, started to speak, and then shut it quietly. It's been years since you were in our home. Four long years since you danced through the front yard and played … [Read more...] about Failed Adoption, Four Years Later
I feel lost. Those were the words I scrawled into my journal years ago. When infertility and struggling friendships and a new church were all leaving me aching and empty. I felt unknown. Who was this girl who couldn’t bear the children she dreamed of? Who was this girl who struggled through friendships? Who was this girl who went to church and cowered in the corner? I didn’t know her, … [Read more...] about where to go when you feel lost
It was late, after Bible Study on a Thursday night. We were sitting around the kitchen, as we often do, the remnants of snack littering the counter. My words were stumbling over themselves, like they usually do. The thought crossed my mind that maybe I should just write everything I want to say so people could understand what I’m trying to convey. As soon as the thought came, I dismissed it. … [Read more...] about Do You Praise God for Your Trials?
I almost felt irritated the first time I heard my mom pray it. It wouldn't be until years later that I realized she was just agreeing with Scripture. But that night I lay there, listening to the words as they rested heavy on me. I shrugged and drifted off to sleep, wondering if God would answer her. The prayer was simple and heartfelt. "Lord, don't allow my daughter to keep any sin hidden. … [Read more...] about One Thing You Need to be Praying Over Your Kids
Being an adoptive parent has been one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced. It's also one of the hardest. I have been abundantly blessed by having many pioneers in adoption, attachment, and special needs who have gone before me and have willingly given their advice, suggestions, and exuberant encouragement. Still, with all of that, there are times when this feels … [Read more...] about the best books for Christian adoptive parents
I miscarried that October. I had known for two days that the tests were positive, that two years of infertility had brought us to a baby coming with the summer warmth. And then I was curled on the bathroom floor with blood smeared on my legs and my heart so empty and hollow I felt like maybe I had died too. Winter came to more than the countryside that year. It settled in my heart as … [Read more...] about when stories deepen