The thoughts came late at night, usually when I was sitting in a quiet living room. The little children I watched during the day would be gone and the house empty. Empty. It was easy for it to grow from there. If only I had a baby. If only there was a child that was never taken away….
When I finished writing my first little book, Pain Redeemed, I made the claim that I believed God would not leave my life empty, but would use my infertility to bring Him glory. It was a pretty bold claim. Especially since I couldn’t imagine ever actually feeling thankful for my walk through infertility. But God’s words to…
I know. Let’s just start with that. I know about the wondering, and the fears that come at night when no one is watching. I know how many times you’ve looked in the mirror and wondered why this is happening to you. I know how infertility cuts where we are all most vulnerable– right at our identity….
Jacob had a soul-wound that spilled all over the pages of Genesis. From before he was even born this striving, pulling, grasping desire to make himself great burned through his veins. Every time we turn around he’s manipulating or stealing or deceiving, pushing himself forward by sheer force of will. And then we find him,…
The Lord told me I would be a mother. He spoke right into my barrenness and said that He had given me a mother’s heart for a reason. He had not forgotten me and He would not forget me. It was a pretty bold statement to say to a woman facing infertility. A woman…
It’s quiet now except the hum of the dishwasher. We ate taco soup for dinner, with iceberg lettuce salad. The kids were super excited about the salad. “This is so good,” they told me on their 3rd and 4th servings. The oldest boy looked at me quizzically, “Did you do something different to the salad today?” Yes….
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