Jealous Lover

I was at Bible college, surrounded by people and conversation and community, but I had never felt so alone.

What was wrong with me? After growing up on a Bible school campus, I had always dreamed of the day when I would be one of the students and here I was! But something was missing.

In front of the chapel building was a small yard that was rarely used. Towering trees left a smattering of leaves on the ground and I found my way to their shade on a warm fall day. My ever-present-Bible fell open and I began reading in Nehemiah. But for some reason a verse someone mentioned kept plaguing me and I felt the need to give up my reading and search for it.

I found it in Psalm 63.

Oh, God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you.

The words seemed to swirl around me. I missed Him.

Oh, how silly it seemed! There at a Bible school where everything was about God– and I missed Him. But nothing– not fellowship, not conversation, not community– nothing can compare to beauty of having a personal relationship with the Redeemer of all.

my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

For the first time in my life there were so many things, so many deadlines,  so much happening, that my time with Jesus was in danger of fading into the background.

There, soaking in the words from Psalm 63, I determined I would guard my time with my Savior like a jealous lover.

My daughter asked me today why I close my eyes and raise my hands during worship. I smiled and brought her to this chapter. “Because, dolly,” I said, pointing to the verses, “sometimes I need to just shut my eyes tight to all the things that might distract me. And I need to lift my hands up to show my surrender to Jesus– to open my heart wide to His presence. To remind my soul that there is something far beyond the right-here that I am believing in.”

Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.