Some days are easier than others. Some days I wake up and life is filled with sunshine and my husband is wonderful and my heart is content. And then comes the day when the teenager is pregnant, the baby is being raised by a grandmother, and the mother who doesn’t want to be bothered aborts. Those are…
The Christmas tree was huge. Brett cut it for us on a farm in West Martinsburg and hauled it in his black Dodge. We put it in the living room, in front of the windows. We covered it with photographs and hung stockings on the wall. Twinkle lights glittered from every corner of the house….
I’m not an extravagant person. I’m simple and my dreams were simple.
By the time I was in my mid-twenties, I was married to a wonderful man and living in a tiny house on a beautiful farm outside of a little village in upstate New York.
The only thing I needed was my children.
But, as it turns out, my body refused to bear them.
And, as it turns out, every time we’ve pursued adoption, it has failed.
This past summer was one of the most difficult summers of my life. There were incredible highs where memory-making once-in-a-life-time things happened, and incredible lows where we faced loss and sorrow in a very deep and life-altering way. It was a bit like the year I got married, which was also the year I began…
We went to a funeral last night for the elderly mother of a friend. Her obituary said, “homemaker and self-described ‘Farmer’s wife’”. I never met her in life, but I think we would have been friends. It was a warm evening and the atmosphere was soft. She was well loved, one could tell. People filled the…
We went to town that night, in search of a new pair of sneakers. His old ones were wore right through. I was exhausted but wide-awake. My body flip-flopping between anxious stomach-wrenching questions and calm reassuring promises. It had been quite the week. Two funerals, a lot of thoughts, mourning a failed adoption, migraine headaches. He…
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