So many times I wondered, “Why, Lord?” Why the storm of infertility, why the pain of loss, why the trial of physical issues?
In the midst of it all, I truly felt as though God was sleeping while a furious storm (of hurricane proportions) swept through my life. What did I have to do to wake Him up?
I knew the God who commands the wind and waves was more than capable of calming the seas in my life. He could heal up my pain, ease my trials, touch my broken body. But He seemed to sleep on.
Did I need to pray more? Believe more? Why was God allowing this when I had surrendered all to follow Him? What more did He want?
I was reading through the Bible, searching desperately for an answer, and I read the story of the storm in Matthew 8. The disciples, fearing for their lives, woke up Jesus. “Oh, you of little faith,” He said to them, “why are you afraid?” That’s me, Lord, that’s me. I’m terrified. Won’t you wake up and calm this storm?
Eventually peace came, Jesus stood up and spoke and the winds stilled. But not without many fearful moments, much running about, and energy spent in preparing myself for the worst. The calm came to my heart and the storm eased– though the trials continued on. His arms were wrapped tight around me and when I looked up, the sun was shining.
God, if you could calm the storm with just one word– if you could bring peace with a touch, why did you allow it to come in the first place? And why, oh why, did you allow it to stir up to hurricane proportions?
It wasn’t until I reread the book of Matthew again that I caught it. There in Matthew 14 where another storm is beating the disciples’ boat, causing them trouble and fear. This time Jesus comes to them, walking on the water, and when they cry out in terror He says, “Don’t fear. I AM.” Because He is and He always will be.
This is after Jesus fed the five thousand, after five loaves and two fish became more than enough. But even then the disciples hadn’t understood. They had treated Christ’s miraculous gift as common-place, their hearts calloused from the abundance of miracles taking place around them.
So Jesus went away to pray and the disciples left in their boat and another storm stirred up from the depths of the Sea of Galilee.
And this time, once again, it was the disciples who were in need. It was their lives on the line. It was their humanity that stared them in the face. And Jesus came.
Just like He does for all of us.
He walked through the storm to bring calmness and peace. The kind that goes beyond understanding.
And there, in the 33rd verse I find my answer.
“And those in the boat knelt and worshiped Him, saying, Truly You are the Son of God!”
I knew who Jesus was long before storms buffeted my life. I knew about His love and His grace and His precious blood that spilled to save me. I worshiped Him for what I was told He was.
But somehow, in the midst, my heart grew calloused. Jesus is the Son of God. Yup. He is.
But then, when I was battered and shaken and fearful as storms raged through my life, and Jesus walked right into the middle of it all and spoke peace– it was then that I knelt hard and fast, raised shaking hands, and lifted my voice to say, “Truly, truly, you are the Son of God!”
I tasted a storm, and it was my life on the line, my heart that was broken, my eyes that were blind– and it was my life that was spared, my heart that was healed, my eyes that opened.
And now I don’t worship Him because I believe He is who someone said He is;
I worship Christ because I know He is who He says He is.
Like the disciples, I needed to taste my own humanity, my own inability to save myself, so I could really understand what it was that God was offering. Life, peace, hope.
“Fear not.” He said to me, “I AM.” And all His words are true.
Are you wondering about the storms in your life?
Whether you’re experiencing a hurricane or a short squall, all life-storms are difficult to swallow. If you’re like me, all you want is comfort. But true comfort is only found in knowing Christ.
So lift up your head, look at the cross. He’s not just a God who created the earth– He’s the God who created your heart. And He is worthy of all your worship. Through the darkness of your storm, watch for His presence, listen for His voice.
He’ll be telling you the same thing.
“Do not fear. I AM.”
So bow low and give Him glory, for He Is.
You may also enjoy:
Why You Should Read Your Bible {even when you’re mad at God}
Dying of Thirst at the Side of a Well
But why does SHE get babies?
Some time ago it was brought to my attention that the account written in Mark 4 mentions “There were also other boats with Him” (verse 36). Matthew 8 and Luke 8 do not have this detail.
This reminds me that during a storm in my life that others are facing a storm, too. Focusing on others during a storm actually helps me go through the storm “easier” because I am not just thinking about me. We never know how long a storm lasts. I don’t want to waste that time only wallowing in my pain. If I reach out to others, I not only renew my strength and hope, but that person’s strength and hope is renewed as well. I like the thought of finding the purpose of our pain because we all have some kind of pain.
Thanks for blogging, Tasha. I don’t always read them right away, but try to read them all eventually 🙂
Thank you, Rebekah. <3
So good Tasha! I’ve so been there, knowing that God was there, but completely at a loss as to why I was in the storm, and what I had done to deserve it. For me, it wasn’t until I said OK and realized that He was still in control, that the storm began to quiet…and sometimes, it would still rage up, but always would dissipate.
Ah Tasha … again you speak to my heart! I sat, in my counselor’s office, crying recently, saying, “but I already dealt with this issue of whether or not I trust God for who He is and His plan for me, why do I have to do this again? ” She told me that this is the human experience and that in each cycle He draws me closer and reveals more of Himself to me.
I don’t like my storm. My husband has told me that he “wants to be done for now. ” I am living in Wisconsin. Away from everything and everyone I love. My heart longs for home! And Jesus tells me that I need to learn that He is my hope and my home. The storm continues to rage but when I lean into Him … I find peace!
Oh, praying for you, Beth! <3 May this storm bring out true worship in your heart. {hugs}
Once again, an amazing blog post! Xo