So many times I wondered, “Why, Lord?” Why the storm of infertility, why the pain of loss, why the trial of physical issues?
In the midst of it all, I truly felt as though God was sleeping while a furious storm (of hurricane proportions) swept through my life. What did I have to do to wake Him up?
I knew the God who commands the wind and waves was more than capable of calming the seas in my life. He could heal up my pain, ease my trials, touch my broken body. But He seemed to sleep on.
Did I need to pray more? Believe more? Why was God allowing this when I had surrendered all to follow Him? What more did He want?
I was reading through the Bible, searching desperately for an answer, and I read the story of the storm in Matthew 8. The disciples, fearing for their lives, woke up Jesus. “Oh, you of little faith,” He said to them, “why are you afraid?” That’s me, Lord, that’s me. I’m terrified. Won’t you wake up and calm this storm?
Eventually peace came, Jesus stood up and spoke and the winds stilled. But not without many fearful moments, much running about, and energy spent in preparing myself for the worst. The calm came to my heart and the storm eased– though the trials continued on. His arms were wrapped tight around me and when I looked up, the sun was shining.
God, if you could calm the storm with just one word– if you could bring peace with a touch, why did you allow it to come in the first place? And why, oh why, did you allow it to stir up to hurricane proportions?
It wasn’t until I reread the book of Matthew again that I caught it. There in Matthew 14 where another storm is beating the disciples’ boat, causing them trouble and fear. This time Jesus comes to them, walking on the water, and when they cry out in terror He says, “Don’t fear. I AM.” Because He is and He always will be.
This is after Jesus fed the five thousand, after five loaves and two fish became more than enough. But even then the disciples hadn’t understood. They had treated Christ’s miraculous gift as common-place, their hearts calloused from the abundance of miracles taking place around them.
So Jesus went away to pray and the disciples left in their boat and another storm stirred up from the depths of the Sea of Galilee.
And this time, once again, it was the disciples who were in need. It was their lives on the line. It was their humanity that stared them in the face. And Jesus came.
Just like He does for all of us.
He walked through the storm to bring calmness and peace. The kind that goes beyond understanding.
And there, in the 33rd verse I find my answer.
“And those in the boat knelt and worshiped Him, saying, Truly You are the Son of God!”
I knew who Jesus was long before storms buffeted my life. I knew about His love and His grace and His precious blood that spilled to save me. I worshiped Him for what I was told He was.
But somehow, in the midst, my heart grew calloused. Jesus is the Son of God. Yup. He is.
But then, when I was battered and shaken and fearful as storms raged through my life, and Jesus walked right into the middle of it all and spoke peace– it was then that I knelt hard and fast, raised shaking hands, and lifted my voice to say, “Truly, truly, you are the Son of God!”
I tasted a storm, and it was my life on the line, my heart that was broken, my eyes that were blind– and it was my life that was spared, my heart that was healed, my eyes that opened.
And now I don’t worship Him because I believe He is who someone said He is;
I worship Christ because I know He is who He says He is.
Like the disciples, I needed to taste my own humanity, my own inability to save myself, so I could really understand what it was that God was offering. Life, peace, hope.
“Fear not.” He said to me, “I AM.” And all His words are true.
Are you wondering about the storms in your life?
Whether you’re experiencing a hurricane or a short squall, all life-storms are difficult to swallow. If you’re like me, all you want is comfort. But true comfort is only found in knowing Christ.
So lift up your head, look at the cross. He’s not just a God who created the earth– He’s the God who created your heart. And He is worthy of all your worship. Through the darkness of your storm, watch for His presence, listen for His voice.
He’ll be telling you the same thing.
“Do not fear. I AM.”
So bow low and give Him glory, for He Is.