All she wanted was to have a baby. It wasn’t a huge thing—plenty of people have them. But, for her it didn’t happen. And every month the seed of bitterness dug deeper into her heart. Anger. Self-pity. Resentment. Pride. Dark ugliness that tangled her heart and left her unable to interact with those around her without pain. It left her wallowing in sinful heart patterns. Years later she … [Read more...] about Infertility Isn’t My Real Battle
Infertility
Surviving the Night Hours with Infertility
Nights were usually the hardest. After the sun went down and my husband slept beside me, all the questions and fears would rise up inside. I was so confused. I wanted to be strong and faithful but I didn’t have any idea how. I felt pressed down with questions. Questions about where God was while I was floundering. Questions about why I couldn’t bear the babies my heart was screaming for. … [Read more...] about Surviving the Night Hours with Infertility
God, I put my “Yes” on the Table
On Tuesday of last week I was tempted again. It’s so silly and so ridiculous, I know. Something will happen, something a little different than normal, and every hopeful piece of my heart will jump and skitter with excitement, and my prayers will become a repetitive, “Oh, Lord, have mercy on me…” and then when reality sinks in a few days or weeks later and I realize, no matter how much I hope … [Read more...] about God, I put my “Yes” on the Table
don’t let the hard stuff harden your heart
Two and a half years ago, our almost-adopted daughter died. We thought she would live. We thought God would work a miracle. We thought there was no reason why God would have brought us all the way to a baby's bedside in the NICU, only to be left with empty arms. We didn't understand what God was doing. We didn't understand why He wouldn't move the way we expected. We didn't understand why … [Read more...] about don’t let the hard stuff harden your heart
what Jesus says to the suffering-ones who are desperate
Thirteen years. It has been thirteen years since I sat in a doctor's office and was handed a diagnosis that would become a gaping wound in my life. This fall it will be ten years since I carried that wound into my marriage. Infertility has been a deep aching sorrow that has left a trail of blood behind me. No matter where I go-- my life is marked by the reality of its presence. And … [Read more...] about what Jesus says to the suffering-ones who are desperate
Infertility, Our Identity, and What God Says About Who We Are
When the doctor told me I had the “leading cause of infertility”, there were many other words that followed hers and seemed to cling to me. Failure. Ugly. Broken. Unworthy. I heard them and when the months and years seemed to prove the label of “infertility” right, I allowed all those other words to label me as well. Like the slashes of a knife, they wounded me so deeply, I couldn’t see, … [Read more...] about Infertility, Our Identity, and What God Says About Who We Are