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Natasha Metzler

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One Thing I Want My Daughter to Know About Love and Marriage

Remember how you used to beg to go help Daddy feed the cows?

It was super exciting because it was new and different and a grown-up chore. It made you feel important to know how to scoop out the grain properly and how many scoops went to each group of cattle.

But then it got boring. And hard. Winter came and it was cold.

You told us that you hated doing barn chores. That you were never going to be a farmer. That it wasn’t fair to try and make you one.

We tried to explain that chores are just hard sometimes, but you insisted it was just that you hated farming. All that you wanted was for Mommy and you to switch chores.

We let you come inside and do some of my housework instead. You were so happy. How hard could it be to clean a house?

It was less than a week before you were begging to go back to the barn. Turns out dishes and laundry and sweeping and vacuuming and dusting and scrubbing toilets are all just work too.

When it comes to love and marriage, this is the truth you need to know:

Real love is work, darling.

And just like feeding the cows, sometimes it’s super fun and makes you feel important and special.

But sometimes it’s just cold and miserable and you do it because it has to be done, not because you like it.

The world will tell you, “When you hate something, leave it and find something else that makes you happy.” And maybe in some instances that is true, but not in all. Certainly not in love or marriage.

All love is work. It’s beautiful and wonderful and can make you feel important and special–  but sometimes it’s cold too. Sometimes it’s miserable and it feels like the worst thing you could ever face. But you do it because it has to be done, not because you like it.

When it comes to marriage there will be some days that everything is wonderful and you feel important and special and loving your husband is as easy as breathing.

And some days it’s just really, really hard work. It’s cold and miserable and it seems like anything else would be so. much. easier. 

If you leave, if you head off to find something not so hard, something that looks more like the happy thing you once knew– you’ll find that thing will eventually feel like work too.

Every love is work, honey. 

But here is the beautiful secret… you don’t need to be afraid of the work. There is great beauty to be found. Working through the hard stuff is what produces the good stuff. After every winter season comes spring.

And the depth of love that is uncovered after the work–is the only love that is worth anything at all. It’s the kind that holds families together when life tries to shake them apart, and the kind that teaches our hearts to recognize God’s gracious love for us. After all, families were His idea to begin with.

My deepest prayer for you when it comes to love and marriage? Is that when you choose a husband and say your vows, you’ll go all-in. You’ll do the work of loving, no matter what it takes.

And on the very hardest days? You can always call your mama. I’ll listen and love you right back and we’ll pray together that you’ll learn how to fight right through the hard to the good and beautiful stuff. In fact? We’ll just start saying that prayer right now. 

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WordSnacks: Bite-sized Devotionals for Your Hungry Moments“These devotionals are quick and easy to read, and like a good snack, are chock full of good protein, essential vitamins and minerals for the soul.”

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Comments

  1. Caroline says

    February 12, 2015 at 9:11 am

    So beautiful!! I hate hearing people ‘falling’ out of love!!! Love is definitely a choice and we choose daily how/who we want to love! Thankful for marriage and the work it takes!!!

    Reply
  2. Mandy Hoffman (@MandyJHoffman) says

    February 9, 2015 at 11:19 am

    Love the last line…yes, in marriage, the love you find after lots of hard work is simply unexplainable.

    Reply
  3. Barbara Dillard says

    February 9, 2015 at 7:58 am

    Oh Natasha this was so beautifully written and so very true. And one is never too old to be reminded again of the cost of loving. Thanks for “readjusting” my own heart. 🙂

    Reply
  4. Jessica White says

    February 8, 2015 at 1:50 pm

    I giggled at the wanting to switch chores…sounds like my house, but life is work. It doesn’t matter what it is, at some point it will feel more like work than fun, and that’s when we can make the choice to quit {which we’ll never find something that will always make us happy…outside of Jesus} or to push through.

    More people need to realize this…

    Reply
  5. Jessiqua Wittman says

    February 8, 2015 at 10:26 am

    So heartfelt. My mom told me this same sort of thing a while ago, and it’s proven to be so true and I appreciate her so much for telling it to me. Hopefully your daughter will benefit from your words as much as I benefited from my parent’s. Good stuff.

    Reply

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