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  1. “What if, by believing, I’m holding tight to something that God is forcing me to give up?”

    This is what I struggled so hard with, still struggle with…as though I could have forced the hand of God to give me my children.

  2. This is beautiful, Natasha. You have a powerful gift of words. Thank you for sharing faith, faith in any and every pain and trial.

    And may God be mysteriously and wonderfully at work in your heart and body and life to grant you the desires of you heart.

    Judith x

  3. Thanks for sharing your heart. I’m not married, so I do not know what the future holds for me regarding children though sometimes because of health issues I wonder…
    Your words apply though to any season of life. To trust God. To trust that He will work His plan and that His plan is very, very, good. To trust that some day He may give me husband. To trust that He will provide for me during this season of life.

    Thank you

  4. Through your open and honest struggles, you are planting seeds, Natasha. Seeds in another’s parched and barren heart. Seeds that will grow into a new life of faith. You, my dear friend, our planting new life from the ashes of your pain. I will continue to pray that your longing for a child to call your own is answered, and I will continue to thank God for the incredible witness you are to the goodness of God in the midst of our wants.

    1. Natasha Metzler says:

      Oh, thank you, Julie. I love the phrase “planting new life from the ashes”. Yes. Yes.

  5. So beautiful… This all means so much to God’s heart. Thank you for sharing your deepest, innermost soul. The truth rings true:
    But God only says, “Walk with me.”
    And He leads down some pretty dark and wandering roads.
    The truth isn’t pretty sometimes, but it is always… I don’t know… special somehow.
    Scripture says that God “dwells in a cloud of thick darkness”, (Psalm 97)
    So when we go through hard times, We are learning more of His true character. The side of Him that many people don’t even want to admit is there.

    1. Natasha Metzler says:

      His true character– yes! And that is what I want. Not my twisted version but reality. Christ and Him alone.

  6. “I just want words spelled out clear and concise. Do this. Don’t do that. Be this. Say that. Go here.

    But God only says, ‘Walk with me.’

    And He leads down some pretty dark and wandering roads.”

    This. Oh, how much faith it takes! If it was really all spelled out so clearly, there would be no need, really, to get to know Him. I’ve struggled with this thing countless times… I’m finally (sort of) beginning to see why. It’s because He wants us to take time to listen to Him, to learn His heart. And also because He wants true followers. Not fake ones along for the happy ride, who hop off as soon as it gets rough. But… yeah. Still a struggle for sure. 😛

    1. Natasha Metzler says:

      You’ve hit it exactly right, Carissa. If it was all written clearly, there would be no need to know Him true.

  7. I, too, stopped praying years ago that God would give us a child. I guess I had convinced myself that if I didn’t pray about it anymore, it meant I was okay with my barrenness. But I’m not. I just grow so tired of praying a prayer that seems like it will never be answered.

    I know God can work miracles. I know there were many women of old who prayed for many years and God FINALLY, supernaturally answered their prayers. I just don’t know how to cope with the thought that this mother-heart I’ve been given may never be fulfilled. And so, I just try to never think about it. And try to fill the emptiness with busyness. And try to never let on…

    1. Natasha Metzler says:

      Oh, I get you. I do, I do. *sigh* It’s such an ongoing battle, eh?

      1. It helps to know I’m not alone, though. For years I was the ONLY ONE I knew who was married, but had no children. I certainly wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone, but I am encouraged each time I hear of one more woman who is surviving this journey. Thanks for being real and transparent, Natasha. And for hosting this series.

  8. Natasha, these words are so beautiful and transparent. I could feel every word.

    1. Natasha Metzler says:

      Thank you, Jennifer.

  9. Oh Natasha! I too was afraid that praying for a godly husband meant holding onto something God wanted me to release… But like you I don’t think there is anything wrong in praying that God would provide, and also praying that even if He sees it best for me to remain single all my days that my heart would be completely satisfied in who He is!
    Sometimes our deepest blessings come from the most painful circumstances which ultimately draw us closer to God… Tales of beauty in brokenness.

    1. Natasha Metzler says:

      Yes, yes. Our deepest blessings do come through the darkest trials. Every season of waiting brings about new life.

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